When You’re Caught in a Family Feud

January 15, 2017

Despite my  appreciation for the comedian Steve Harvey, this post isn’t about the Family Feud. I’m talking about real family feuds and drama.

In the past few years, this theme has often crossed my mind. Throughout most of my childhood and emerging-adulthood life, I’ve been indirectly involved in a family feud. Indirectly because I’ve never been a key actor in a feud, only a victim. Until 6th grade, I didn’t know most of my father’s side of the family. I was four or five when I last saw them and despite the few memories I possessed, I couldn’t place names to faces.

I met them again on the day of my great-grandmother’s funeral. They were so excited to meet me but didn’t know much about me, especially my proclivity to car sickness. That day, I carpooled with them to the burial and, after their rapid-fire questions, I vomited in my uncle’s rental car and down the front of my dress.

“Nice to meet you too!”

The details of the feud are and were unimportant. What I knew then was that they shared my last name but missed out on most of my childhood.

You may be surprised but family feuds are fairly common — a sister running away from home; a brother fist-fighting with his brother-in-law (who had just welcomed a baby boy); a daughter-in-law who won’t let her in-laws see their grand-babies. The family feuds are endless! However, there is one, true consequence of family feuds: the children suffer. The problem is that everyone involved is so proud that they would rather sacrifice what is best for the child in order to “one up” the person they are feuding with. However, what they fail to understand is that no one wins in a petty party.

What I’ve come to realize is that there is very little you can do when the other party is unwilling to come to the table and discuss a solution. Until that moment comes, continue with your life and be satisfied any effort you’ve put forth to reach out.

I found a heart-breaking quote on Pinterest:

“One of the hardest things you will ever have to do, my dear, is grieve the loss of a person who is still alive.”

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