1. That they find ants in their favorite cereal.
You’ve poured a bowl, you’ve feasted on Lucky Charms, and now you see those suckers floating in your milk. Feliz Navidad!
2. That they hit the sh*t out of their pinky toe
The pain scale goes like this: birth pains, kidney stones, smashed pinky toe and then, dislocated shoulder. For you, I chose a happy medium.
3. That they get a flat tire on a busy highway
No replacement or roadside assistance? Not my problem.
This is never not funny. (Translation: This is always funny)
5. That they wake up to a huge, third-eye zit
It might as well have it own zip code.
6. That no one wishes them a happy birthday — not even Facebook
Have you seen the movie Sixteen Candles? Like that, but worse.
7. That they get an ingrown hair on their privates
Tweezers and privates. Never a good combo.
8. That they sneeze, but no one has a tissue
Find the nearest exit and haul ass to the bathroom.
9. That they shatter their smartphone screen right after they bought it
That’ll be an extra $120.
10. That their card gets rejected at the supermarket
Que pena! I hope there is a disgruntled mom waiting behind you too.
Bonus: That they see their ex ridiculously happy
Oh, I went there.
By the way, this was all in good fun. I don’t wish harm on anyone, but an inconvenience will do 😉