10 Things You Wish On Someone You Hate

March 21, 2016

1. That they find ants in their favorite cereal.

You’ve poured a bowl, you’ve feasted on Lucky Charms, and now you see those suckers floating in your milk. Feliz Navidad!

2. That they hit the sh*t out of their pinky toe

The pain scale goes like this: birth pains, kidney stones, smashed pinky toe and then, dislocated shoulder. For you, I chose a happy medium.

3. That they get a flat tire on a busy highway

No replacement or roadside assistance? Not my problem.

4. Diarrhea

This is never not funny. (Translation: This is always funny)

5. That they wake up to a huge, third-eye zit 

 It might as well have it own zip code.

6. That no one wishes them a happy birthday — not even Facebook

Have you seen the movie Sixteen Candles? Like that, but worse.

7. That they get an ingrown hair on their privates

Tweezers and privates. Never a good combo.

8. That they sneeze, but no one has a tissue

Find the nearest exit and haul ass to the bathroom.

9. That they shatter their smartphone screen right after they bought it

That’ll be an extra $120.

10. That their card gets rejected at the supermarket

Que pena! I hope there is a disgruntled mom waiting behind you too.

Bonus: That they see their ex ridiculously happy

Oh, I went there.

By the way, this was all in good fun. I don’t wish harm on anyone, but an inconvenience will do 😉



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